Firstly, I'd just like to say congrats to everyone who completed the A-Z Challenge, and well done to everyone who participated and followed along.
Is it a little stoopid that I was a little insecure about signing up for this group? I don't like 'talking' about certain things, but I'm told it's good for you, and I have noticed that writing things down can help unravel your thoughts and solve problems on the page. It's an acceptable form of talking to yourself - it's justified madness!
The thing I'm most insecure about at the moment are my boobs. Haha just kidding! I'm worried about my ability to learn, especially now as I'm learning to write. Over the years I've tried to study various things, but my health has always gotten in the way. I didn't see this as the reason at the time, and for years felt it was my fault; I thought that maybe I was an idiot, someone who couldn't stick at something and learn, even though I enjoyed it.
But the past couple of years I've been getting help - took me a while to admit I needed it - and a few people, who I'm eternally grateful to, have made me see that these setbacks were not my fault, as nothing I could have done would have prevented them. I tried my best and that's good enough.
It all started when I left school, aged eighteen, with only one Higher - in Art if you can believe it - see I can draw haha! During my fifth and sixth year I was living on my own, but struggling to get to school because of the severe pain I was in. I remember I had the lowest attendance record in the entire school - literally, and people though this was cool. Dumbasses! So, I went to my guidance teacher for help, and you know what he said; something along the lines of 'because you live on your own, you are your own guardian, meaning you alone are responsible for getting yourself to school, therefore I cannot help you'. At the time I thought nothing of it, but now when I look back on it, it pisses me off a little. If a seventeen year old kid, living on their own, came to me asking for help because their health was preventing them from getting to school, then I'd do everything I could to help. It;s just comment sense right? Anyway, I'm not blaming my teacher, I'm just a little annoyed, and rightly so I think!
When I left school I was going to do Art - seriously guys I can draw! During the summer holidays I ended up in hospital, and while I was getting an operation, the numpty Doctor punctured my lung. he told me this was very rare - I don't believe him. His sidekick was pretty hot though, so I let him off! This happened a few days before college started, and I was told I couldn't go - I would need to rest for three months, meaning I would have to start next year instead. Well,I wasn't having that now was I - me not study, yeah right! So a few days after I got out of the hospitals I went to college, and you'll never guess - not only were the elevators down, but my class was on the top floor, I kid you not! It's the kind of thing that happens in movies eh? My teacher knew who I was as soon as I got to the classroom, apparently I looked like I shouldn't be there; zombified! She took one look at me and sent me home! So yeah, that is my fault a little bit, but at least I tried right.
A few years later, I decided it was time to go back to college, but this time I was going to do nursing - art is a hobby, I never wanted to make a career out of it, but I love helping people and looking after loved ones when they are sick, who doesn't? I was doing great; I was one of the top students in my class, my teacher would even tell the class to come find me if they were stuck with something and couldn't find her. How cool is that? Totally embarrassing at the time though! But near the end of my first year, my health started playing up again. It meant I was physically unable to do the last placement, and without that placement you can't complete your first year. So I made the decision to leave, and had a good long think about what I could do.
Obviously going to college was a bit of a pain in the butt, so I am now studying with The Open University. I love it! Not only are they helpful and understanding, but I get to study my way, when I want. I don't feel bad about the setbacks of the past, because if they hadn't happened I wouldn't be doing this; so I'm grateful for them - I always think good can come out of any bad situation.
So what's this got to do with being an insecure write you ask? I know, I've been a rambling on eh! Well, I've just started on my writing journey; I finished my first short course with the Open Uni last week, and can't wait to get started on the more in depth one. Seriously so excited - I'm thinking of taking a year out from my degree to do it. But I cant help thinking, what if? I hate those two words! I've finally found something I really enjoy and can do in my own time, but I've convinced myself it will happen again; some stoopid health problem will get in the way and I will never learn to write.
Ah see, this writing your thoughts out gibberish does work - now I've said it/written it down, I'm thinking to myself 'you dumbass of coarse you can do it'! Yeah, I love writing!
I've also just realised how long this post is, wow, sorry, didn't realise I could write so much crap in twenty minutes! :P
Do you like to study, or do you run at the sight of a textbook?
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26 comments:
I'd like to share an excerpt from Frank Herbert's Dune, one of my favorite novels of all time:
Muad'Dib learned rapidly because his first training was in how to learn. And the first lesson of all was the basic trust that he could learn. It's shocking to find how many people do not believe they can learn, and how many more believe learning to be difficult. Muad'Dib knew that every experience carries its lesson.
There's wisdom there, don't you think? The first step to learning and education is letting yourself know that you're capable of it. Obviously, there are things outside of our control that may throw a wrench in our plans. But we can't see the wrenches coming anyway, so why not focus on the plans instead?
Good luck. :)
J.W.
I'm a bit of a knowledge junkie; I love to study. I'm of the kind who wants to learn something new everyday, no matter what it is. It's a shame that your health has prevented you from doing what you want, but I admire your determination :)
Don't feel bad. I am still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. :) No seriously tho- always remember that Nothing Is Impossible. For many years I was an RNALTC in a Nursing Home long story but I was injured and suffered nerve damage to my hand and arm. I did a stint in writing after that, worked for many years and am back to writing something, anything Something keeps drawing me back. I have days when I wonder what was I thinking, but I manage to break thru that. Oh BTW I 4got to tell you I spotlighted you yesterday on my blog. :)
J.W. Alden - Thank you so much for that. You are absolutely right, no point worrying about something that may never happen. Enjoy the now :)
Jamie - Thank you. I need to earn al the time too, I think it's a borderline addiction lol :)
Gossip - Aw thanks hun. So you're not all grown up yet then? I knew it haha. It sounds like the universe, or whatever, is telling you to be a writer! :P
Only you can decide which is more important. You do have to think long term, but which excites you more? And is there a way to do both?
I still enjoy learning new things.
Anna, you are always going to be learning and trying to perfect this thing called being a writer. Just an FYI, I went to school for criminology, graduated from law school as well and currently, I run a golf academy which funds my true passion which is to be a writer. No matter what you do, you just have to do what makes you happy.
I never stop reading and learning. Otherwise...what's the point?
Set backs are just ways to show us where else we can go! I also love to learn something new everyday! Good luck!
-MJ here from the support group http://creativelyspiltink.blogspot.com/
As an older adult, I suggest you study now while your financial obligations are minimal. The older you get, the more debt you accrue, and the more relationships and jobs and all that crap get in the way of studying.
I went to art school, too, and with only 2 credits left before graduation, I had to stop because my mother-in-law died and my father-in-law needed full-time care. Not good for a 23 year old. But I still got a job as a designer and eventually started my own design business once my child was old enough for school. Once kids come along, your life is not your own.
Well, my kid is leaving for college in a few months and my time is finally my own now. And I've reinvented myself as a writer. Even got myself a book deal recently. But all this has come late in life. I'll be 49 this year. So don't put off what you can do right now. School is of the utmost importance. You simply cannot succeed without it these days.
Oh, and, it's nice to meet you, Anna. I'm a new follower via the IWSG. Welcome to the group!
Don't let anything hold you back!! It sounds like you really love it and that is what gets a lot of people through college. Good luck with your health :)
I hate studying but I love getting A's, and since most of the time you can't have one without the other, I always find myself studying.
I think there is a way around things, but sometimes we have to really dig deep to find out.
I am sorry you ran into some difficult people. They are everywhere, but don't let them prevent your dreams~
Hang in there and do some research and see what catches your eye~
Yes, you blog, you are a writer!!!
Congrats on finishing the challenge~
Alex - Yes there is a way to do both, and I probably cold as I'm off work. Will be tough but worth it I think, and I'm a sucker for a challenge! :)
Sydneyaaliyah - You sound like a busy bee! You are right though, if it doesn't make you happy,, then there is not much point to it. Thank you for stopping by :)
Joshua - The point would be to become a vegetable, and no-one likes their veggies! :)
MJ - Thank you. I agree, I definitely wouldn't be here right now without those setbacks! :)
Nancy - Nice to meet you too. I don''t believe you're 49? Is that a recent pic? If so can I have some of your magic potion please!
I admire you reinventing yourself at what you see as late in life. If you think you will live to 100, then really you are only half way there, so have many more opportunities for reinvention, and parties, and cake! I will take your advice though, thank you :)
Jennifer - Thanks hun. You don't like studying but you get A's, damn you are one lucky lady! You clearly work hard though, can tell that from your posts :)
Ella - Thank you, and woo I'm a writer, hehe. I think this could actually be where my path lies; I love it, and I can do it in my own time, and I get so excited just thinking about it! Thank you for stopping by :)
Ooh that teacher who told you you were your own guardian deserves a big slap. You were asking for help and he said no!
Anyway, I really admire your tenacity - you just don't give up, and that's a fantastic attribute. Stands you in good stead for being a writer! :-)
Anna, you should be proud of yourself and your achievements to date - considering what you've been through...
Learning is a life-time activity... an exciting one at that!
Health issues can be irksome, and may require rethinking things.
I do like to learn, which is one of the things I love about writing--research and learning.
Writing fiction is a whole other ball of wax from writing in general. It takes time to learn and practice. So be patient. You will learn.
And you can finish school. I believe you can. Maybe you'll have to take breaks to accommodate your health & do things in your own time. But you are very capable of completing a degree and learning to write.
I love studying and learning. It's something I don't run from. I want to take grammar classes.
Anna, you've already proven that you're determined. Keep up the good work and don't get discouraged!
Wow!!!I came from IWSG. You wrote all those in 20 minutes!!!Amazing. I can't write that much. I still need my daughter to help me with editing, because English is my second language.
Your the best Anna! You make me laugh, cry, and think! Doesn't get better than that!
Look at all these friends and comments - why are you insecure? And hopefully we will learn until the day we die. sandie
Annalisa - Thank you, that's made me smile. And yeah he needs a butt kicking lol :)
M Pax - One of the things I've noticed these past few months is how different writing fiction is to writing an essay; I almost think essay writing is easy now haha! Thank you for your lovely words of encouragement :)
Clarissa - Grammar classes would be good :)
Donna - Thank you hun I appreciate the kind words :)
Bindhurani - Hah yeah, that has only happened to me once before when I was given a prop to write about a colour; I did 500 words in 10mins! Your English is very good :)
Natalie - Haha thanks hun, you're always a sweetie. Don't know if I wana be making people think though, that could be dangerous! :)
Chatty - After all these lovely comments I feel like I've just been whining lol. Thank you :)
I love studying. Learning new things is something I try to do as much as possible. :)
I love your determination!
Don't think about what you can't do. Think about what you can do and then try your best to do it.
Then try again.
Thanks for sharing with us.
Heather
Anna, ironically enough I've been holding off from the IWG for the same reason! Glad you got through it. @J.W. is right. Letting yourself know that you're capable of it is the hardest part.
I love to learn new things. Research, studying, all of it. :))
Welcome to the IWSG! It's a wonderful community for writers!
What a great post. I wasted so much time when I was young. If I only knew what I know now when I was younger.
You seem to have the right mindset, a mindset I wish I had at your age. This will lead to great things for you.
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