A little freaked out.
But here we go...
Ha I did it, yay!
So, where have I been these past two years? Well, nowhere! I completely freaked out for a little bit. I know this will sound silly, but those of you out there who have severe anxiety problems will know what I'm talking about.
Looking at my profile picture and just knowing that someone would know I exist filled me with utter dread! I couldn't even log into Facebook and say hello to my friends; the thought of them saying hello back freaked the crap out of me. I've hardly left the house, because lets face it, a door knob is a scary thing - it might kill you if you touch it! Ridiculous I know, but I can't help it.
It's something I've always had and my Doctor says I will probably have these problems my whole life. Oh joy. But I have learnt a lot these past two years which has enabled me to finally get back out there. I now know that it's not my fault and I'm not lazy - I always though standing at the door for half an hour working up the courage to put my rubbish in the bin was normal and meant I couldn't be bothered tidying up, but I love cleaning, and the bin is literally right next to the door, so I didn't even really have to go outside, just open the door and wing the bag in. I really do feel like an idiot sometimes but I'm working on it!
I have missed blogging, and I have missed you my gorgeous followers. I hope you are all doing well. I have been spying a little but these past few days and I see some of my fave bloggers are still out there, yay.
Now lets see if I can press that publish button....
Well, it's 2013, and you know what that means - the world didn't end! I must say I'm slightly disappointed. Sure it would be awful; the entire world wiped out, the end of life as we now it, a few measly survivors dotted about here and there fighting over the last cabbage. But the thing about extinction level events is that they go way beyond once in a lifetime - the last animals this happened to were the dinosaurs. No human has ever seen something like that happen and it's highly likely that no human ever will. Now I'm not saying that it would be great for everyone to die, because seriously, that would suck. But imagine waking up in the afterlife knowing you had just witnessed the most cataclysmic event in the history of the world. You'd be the envy of all other ghosts would you not!
Anyway, I hope you all had a great Christmas and a wonderful, sober New Year! And the best thing about the world not ending - I still get to blog and do IWSG. Yay! The Insecure Writer's Support Group runs on the first Wednesday of every month. Fellow writer's discuss their doubts, triumphs and offer words of encouragement to peeps who are struggling. You can sign up and check out other participants here.
I've not been writing a lot at the moment and it is starting to mess with my head a little. When I first started studying with the Open University, it was because I was off sick all the time, always falling behind in my work because I couldn't attend classes, and basically not getting anywhere. The Open University has made a great difference, but I'm still struggling. One of the first things I learnt on the creative writing course I'm currently studying, is that we need to write every day, even if it's just a little bit about nothing - all writing is learning and practice. But at the moment I'm not doing that. I try, but I always end up falling asleep. I know I'm a lazy fecker! I wouldn't mind so much though if I was already a writer, a little break every now and then is needed, but I'm still learning and I clearly need the practice. I don't like being so negative all the time, especially at the start of a shiny, brand new year, but I'm starting to wonder if maybe I really am doomed to fail :(
Hey guys. Just wanted to let you all know I haven't forgotten about you. I'm a bit unwell at the mo, I didn't wake up til two this afternoon which is so so lazy. I've been sleeping for 14 hours a day for the past week, I know I'm a lazy bitch huh! I'm actually writing this post from my phone - I feel so fancy pants! I'm not in pain which I'm insainly grateful for, but my body is whacked.
My gorgeous lil puppy has been amazing. He hasn't left my side all week - I can't even pee on my own haha. He is giving me tonnes of kisses, which is cute, but also kinda grose - I woke up earlier with his tongue in my nose. Lovely! It's weird how they know lil things like that isn't it? It's almost like magic!
Anyway I'm gonna scoot, hope this post turns out ok.
Have a great weekend eveyone.
P.s - I finished hetty locklear, its amazing. Go read it.
So anyway, I'm working on ideas for a story at the moment - a girl accidently discovers another world, it turns out she is destined blahdy blah, but she needs to get home before she can do whatever it is she is destined to do (not sure what that is yet!). It's been bugging me for weeks trying to come up with a decent way to get her home; I want her to go on quests to find objects, but I didn't know what quests or objects I could get her to do.
Then the other week, I had what is probably the shortest most boring dream I have ever had! All that happens in the dream is a girl gets out of bed, burns an incense stick, puts a flower in some water then mixes that with the incense ash and drinks it. Grose! As far as I can tell the dream was only about a minute long. When I woke up I was a lil confused because my dreams are normally pretty epic.
But as the day went on I started to compare this with another dream I had recently about wizard dust, then I had one of those light bulb moments - the girl in my dream was probably my main character. In fact I'm sure that crappy lil dream was my lovely subconscious telling me how I can get her home.
So now, because of that tiny lil dream, I have come up with quite a few ideas for my story and it is now looking a lot more promising then it was a few weeks ago. The main character will have to go on a quest to get a magic incense stick, but she will also need to get a flower, and some water. But I'm thinking instead of boring old water, it should be a dragon tear that she has to mix the ash in. And, I can combine this with ideas from the wizard dust dream - maybe she needs the dust as well, and the wizard can help her to find the dragon, or it could be the wizard that she gets the incense stick from. There was a battle in that dream and maybe she has to take part to earn the wizards trust, blahdy blahdy blah....
I think that's pretty cool - the shortest, crappiest dream I have ever had, has pretty much written a story for me!
Do you use your dreams to help with your stories? Do you believe the subconscious helps us with lil things like that? Do the ideas I've come up with sound like a story you would want to read? Where do pink elephants live?